I am happy.
It really is just so simple, to be happy. I know for the most part I think I’m not doing anything wrong. I tell myself it’s something about me, something I was born with, to plague me for all of my days.
I worry. I over think. I agonize. I analyze.
I used to hurt myself like that.
I spent most of my life trying to be someone I would be proud of, someone that I, myself could love. Someone that could easily be loved by others as well.
Most of my life, I chased after “a better me”.
And now, that I’ve gotten somewhere, I just don’t believe it. Now, that I am loved, that I’ve made a name, and a life for myself it seems all to be too amazing.
I feel so undeserving. As though I will ruin any chances of a better thing in an already humbling adventure.
But even more so than any of my doubts or fears, I feel happy.
I’m in love.
I love my life.
I feel truly happy.
And I am beyond giving that up.
Any excuse to give up or run away is no longer an option.
Whatever challenges I’m facing, they probably aren’t as intimidating as the ones I’ve battled in my head.
So I try not to make a tornado, when I’ve just got plenty of oxygen.
I’m beginning to understand that if you spend your life, trying to become somebody, at some point you’re going to become somebody.
You need not concern, or frighten, or unnerve yourself daily, by thinking only of the obstacles, nightmares, and mishaps, of a future we cannot be all too certain of.
How is it that I couldn’t see how far I’ve come?
How is it that I still thought of myself as a nobody?
When it was I, who saw me through the steps of this life.
When it was I, who carried me through the depressions of time.
It was I who went this distance, those great miles.
I was strong and I reached my destination.
This business of never letting go, of hurting myself, of hanging onto things that have never come and will never pass, could destroy my spirit. The spirit inside, I hoped of saving.
But even misery has a glint of hope.
When you search for the hope, you find it.
And you can find happiness too.
It all begins with you, and whatever you’re keeping inside of you.
Whatever carries you through your days, and leaves you trembling in the nights.
You have to let it go. Send the bad away.
You’ll never make good memories if you’re dwelling on the bad ones.
Never find a new way, if you’re still following the old one.
Never fall in love, if you’re filling yourself with hate.
There is a light inside you, and you dim it with your worry.
A fire, smothering in doubts.
A beautiful heart, you’ve broken with fear.
It is your fear that keeps you broken, and your fear will take you nowhere.
See now, that you are loved, as I am loved.
You are loved. You are brave.
Now say it.
I am loved. I am brave.
I surrender.
Written by Haven.
2014 1221 0320
TOGETHER 